Tuesday, August 27, 2013

From My Darker Days

The darkness is nothing new to me.
It sometimes lightens,
as if there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
But always, always it returns.
A tweak in the medicine here. A new way of thinking there.
A new way of facing God or dealing with spiritually.

Suicide is always knocking at my door
Beckoning me to experience relief
From the pain no one else can
I fight it.
Sometimes better than others.

The impulse to run is there.
Run where?
Don't know.
Away. Alone.
Free from pain. But it will follow.

Why do I have the honor of this pain?
Is God calling me to something more
Of which I am unable to grasp?
I feel alone on an island.
Without human help.
Without godly help.
Nothing works.

I just want to sleep.  Forever.
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